How to Control Jealousy

Jealousy. The most common human feeling, one we can all attest to feeling at least once a week. It's in our nature to feel envious, what they have, what they can do, and who they with. However, if we let this feeling overwhelm us, we fall into a dark hole. This will impact your life and those around you as it can put unnecessary strain on relationships. You may not notice this strain at first, but it will manifest itself in frequent arguments, depressed moods, and lack of intimacy. All these features are combining to lead to very unhappy break-ups.

Unfortunately, there's no secret cure to eradicate this feeling from the human repertoire of emotions. It can be a useful tool in knowing where to improve next or in identifying areas of degeneration within your relationships. However, there are ways of combating the severity of it. They aid to keep our sanity stable and the relationship happy/ healthy. Invariably, if we notice jealousy, it comes with unresolved insecurity. Once again, it's just a natural phenomenon especially, in the world we live in today. But you're not alone, and we're here to guide you through this mental mess.

If you think you're about to get a step-by-step guide on how to fix jealousy, then you're going to be disappointed. Don't despair! Our jealousy help comes in the form of self-acknowledgment/ prevention. We all get jealous and insecure, not only in romantic lives but in academic, business, and social aspects. A phenomenon aided by the social media presence: the exacerbated idea of "perfect". You're shown these ideal men and women, ideal relationships, and power couples sweeping the nation. Subsequently, our lives are left feeling little and boring. One important rule to retain when surfing the internet is that it's all fake. Even our friends' posts on social media. Fake. We present this façade, to match the one shown by celebrities, that paints this picture-perfect couple/ family who has everything together and doesn't have their own troubles. Every insecurity, every doubt, and every negative thought you have has passed through someone else's mind. The first step in alleviating the effects of jealousy. Don't be so hard on ourselves.

Ultimately, if you don't want to feel jealous in a relationship, then you need to learn to trust your partner 100%. If you have trust/ reassurance, then your mind's less likely to stray and lead you down that dark path. To achieve this trust, it's worth having a deep conversation with your partner. What do they consider cheating? Where do you two draw the line? What's the difference between disrespectful/plain cheating? Creating these boundaries will allow you to reassure yourself when you become unsure. You know that an important conversation has been had, and you both acknowledge important limits.

The road to becoming less jealous isn't a clear one, but a path worth taking. Jealousy comes from a place of self-doubt, which can be fuelled by a previous betrayal. If you want to become less jealous, then you need to acknowledge where these thoughts/ feelings may be coming from. So, you notice them like a girl's picture on Instagram? Your first thought could be the worst-case scenario. Pause. Take a step back and ask where that thought is coming from. Are you feeling down about yourself and comparing yourself to that girl? Maybe...When this arises, think back to the last time you posted on Instagram. Chances are you had some males like your picture. Did they try to flirt with you? How did you react if they did? Not every like on Instagram has to be deeper than a "like". However, if there's a pattern of liking/commenting, then it's time for you to talk with your partner.

Knowing how to handle jealousy in a relationship will bring you both peace. As ascertained, jealousy's a natural human response to a threat. When you find yourself getting jealous/self-conscious, step back and take note. Remember that your partners with you because they love you. They may not always say it, but that doesn't change the connection/commitment. If you find yourself getting jealous often, check for a pattern. Once you've worked this out, approach your partner and see if they could reassure you or offer a solution. Your relationship should always be seen as a team effort. It's you two against the world, not you vs. your partner.

The main step: it's time to admit "I have a jealousy issue". This may sound negative, but in doing this, you acknowledge a greater issue. This main step may seem little but can help you to identify other areas of improvement in your life. For more guidance, we have collected a 4 tips list to keep you grounded and understanding.

Opening a conversation's a strong step in eradicating feelings of jealousy and insecurity. However, there are right and wrong ways to go about this. To have a successful conversation, ensure you're not placing blame. You're here to discuss feelings, not who's the biggest villain. To do this avoid phrases such as "you're making me feel" and swap them for "I feel"? This takes the blame out of the equation and reduces the chance of your partner getting defensive. From there, try to keep the tone neutral, so the conversation is resultful. Admitting that I have jealousy issues can be eye-opening.

When we're stressed, it can trigger a whole range of negative emotions. Emotions such as jealousy and insecurity. When you start to feel things like this, check what your stress levels are now. If they're pretty high, then stick a pin in what you're feeling jealous about and come back later. If it no longer feels important when the time has passed, then it was a stress-induced emotion.

In healthy relationships, asking for reassurance shouldn't end in an argument. There may be temporary confusion about where it's coming from (on your partner's end), but once that's passed, you should be given the respect of reassurance. It doesn't have to be a lot and be tailored to your needs in the situation.

While the excitement of a relationship can be all-encompassing, you must retain a part of yourself pre-current-partnership. This could be a hobby you liked or a tradition with your friends. Giving yourself and your partner to explore activities outside of the relationship takes the pressure off. It gives you something to reconnect on later. It may seem hard to begin with, but it will help in the long run.

Ensure that you both have shared activities (not just shared house duties). Find time to date your partner. You may be in a relationship, but this doesn't mean you should let the spark die, as it can help partners feeling they’ve become insecure and jealous. Keeping things fresh with date nights contributes to reduced feelings of anxiety and will limit the likability of you both falling into bad habits.

You may be on the receiving end of jealous feelings. In this case, it can feel confusing/insulting that they could think that of you. However, you must remember that they aren't thinking about this because they don't trust you. Sometimes, it comes from insecurity or stress. If you notice your partner struggling with jealousy issues, then touch base with them. See how they're doing and if they need more from you. This could be an extra kiss/cuddle throughout the day or weekly check-ins on the relationship. Simple things can truly contribute to a healthy and more stable connection.

Similarly, if these concerns keep cropping up, it's time to ask difficult questions. Are there behaviors I have adopted that are making them feel this way? Is there a deeper issue here? What is the root of their stress/insecurity? All of these questions can aid in the solution to the problem.v

To summarise, how can you avoid jealous feelings in a relationship: in short, you can't. You're always going to face this feeling, but it's how you respond that will alter the outcome. We must remember that we aren't perfect. We have fundamental differences that make us unique and beautiful. Even although this can fuel the feeling of insecurity, from here, we must identify the route, collect our thoughts and regroup at a later time when we've had a chance to process. Not all concerns hold truth, but all concerns are valid. If you still feel bothered by this insecurity after giving it some time to settle, speak to your partner. Keeping open communication will reduce the chance of a fall out or misunderstandings – that’s how you fix jealousy issues.

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