Being Friends with an Ex While in a Relationship or Marriage

Love is a double-edged sword at times. It's amazing how you can meet someone, and you click from the start in the proverbial love at first sight. And then you proceed to have an ecstatic honeymoon phase where you paw at each other every chance you get, and you can't seem to feel time moving or the day passing by when you are with this person. You can see the future in rose-colored glasses where you are enjoying sunsets at the beach with the love of your life.

But then something happens, and this spell seems to break all of a sudden. You start to see all their imperfections and why the two of you are not a perfect fit. What seemed like a lifetime together is now filled with uncertainties, and the love starts turning sour inch by inch. And then you cannot take it anymore. You cannot stand how they chew their food or snore at night. You reach your breaking point. And then you decide to go your separate ways. Can the two of you still be friends after a breakup?

This question has been asked since the beginning of time. For most couples, when they come together in their early stages of dating, they only have praises to heap on each other, and one can be crucified to suggest or even think that such a strong bond can be broken. However, when most couples go their separate ways, it's usually a dramatic scene that is sometimes marked with insults and fights. Few couples part ways silently leave alone on good terms such that they can continue being friends.

One factor that can determine the nature of a breakup and the aftermath is why or how the couple came together in the first place. Did you meet randomly in a club, and then a one-night stand turned into a few more nights and then dating? Or did you start with a solid friendship that slowly matured into dating? How much respect and loyalty do you harbor for this person? Sometimes, when you share a deep respect for each other, and somehow you figure out you are not suited to be a couple, the friendship can continue.

Coming together for the wrong reasons can, however, result in very nasty breakups and hatred. For instance, if you liked a guy because he had a promising career with tons of money, what would happen if all that came to an end one day? Or if you started dating a girl based solely on their dashing looks… what would happen if, for instance, she got disfigured in an accident? Resentment follows such a relationship when the anchor holding such a relationship in place is no longer there.

Although no one likes to imagine the current person that they are dating and sharing sweet, ecstatic moments with as their ex, there are some efforts that you can put into your present relationships to ensure that even if it got to the point of a breakup, a friendship would still be on the table. It is sad for people who have been sweethearts and bedfellows to turn into the most dramatic couple on the block. Some of the tips to observe include:

Respect is the most important aspect of a relationship. It means respecting your partner and all their boundaries and interests. When you respect a person, you avoid doing things that you know will make them angry. You respect their privacy and personal space by not accessing their phones and other gadgets without permission or even by not touching them when they want some alone time.

When you disagree, you can try to keep calm, solve the issue without raising your voice or getting into physical fights, and throw tantrums like breaking things. You are able to sit down like two mature adults and discuss the problem and solve it amicably. When you respect your partner such that you can even be there for them even during disagreements, you will find that you can still be friends even if you were to break up someday.

When you are dating someone, you should be more than just that person who warms their bed at night. You should be a valuable asset that motivates them to pursue their goals, whether finishing that college degree or excelling in the workplace. Focus on becoming the number one consultant for your partner in career-related matters, such as looking for new business ideas or a new perspective for an existing idea.

If someone can remember the amazing value you offered them, like running their business when you were dating, it would be very easy for them to reach out even after a breakup to get your valuable wisdom. This way, even if dating fails, you can still maintain a professional relationship where you may even run businesses jointly or just reach others for support.

Although it would be very inappropriate to sire a child with your partner with the wicked plan of trapping them into some long-term friendship in the event of a breakup, having a child together is a lifetime bond between the two of you. Every sane parent naturally wants the best for their child, and even if you were to fall out with your partner, you would still make the effort of being there for your child.

In the event that you and your partner decide to have a child together or it just happens, it's important to step up and become a responsible parent who the child adores. If you happen to break up with your child's mother or father and the kid happens to really love you, they will want to see you from time to time, which will require you and your ex to shelve your differences and cooperate for the sake of the kid.

As much as we would want to act maturely and maintain healthy relationships with our exes, sometimes it's easier said than done. It is someone that you share some deep history with, and even if both of you have moved on into new relationships, the mere sight of them seems to reignite the flames of the passion you shared. If, however, you are at a good place with your ex and you wish to maintain that friendship, follow these tips:

Although this is a person that you shared deep, passionate moments with, you have to accept and respect the new normal – that you are no longer lovers, just friends. Doing so might mean being comfortable seeing them in the arms of someone else and doing nothing about it. For instance, you cannot start talking bad things about the person they are dating now and saying how you are the best option. Respect the current setting and stick to your own lane.

As tempting as it might be to revisit the past with your ex and discuss what was and what could have been, you should totally avoid this. You had your chance with this person, but then you sat down like mature people and decided to break things off. It's important to let bygones be bygones because reopening these closed pages can reawaken the heartbreak that you felt. Simply appreciate the chance to be friends and be content with it.

No one likes to have a hater or a critic in their team. We all want to surround ourselves with positive energy and supportive people that will motivate us to be the best versions of ourselves. It is a great way to show your ex that you are not bitter about the breakup and have their best interests at heart, are happy for their new beginnings and achievements, and offering support when need be. Whether it's a new spouse or a promotion at work, be happy for them.

We see it all the time, like among celebrities where after a breakup, someone exposes the deepest secrets of their ex. It is totally dishonorable and stooping too low. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, and just because you came to know of your partner's imperfections during your time together, it doesn't mean that you should stab them in the back after a breakup. That is an indication of immaturity or denial when you are yet to accept that the relationship is over. Always keep your ex's secrets to yourself.

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